Books & Online Resources
Listed below are various books, websites, and other polyamory resources that the authors on PolyFor.Us recommend. These are resources that have been helpful in our real-life experiences, and we recommend these to anyone interested in reading about polyamory.
Please note, all of the Amazon links on this page are referral links, which means any time you click these links and buy the book, PolyFor.Us gets a little bit of money, without costing you any extra, and without giving us your information. This money goes towards maintaining the site, and we would appreciate the help.
All of the books listed below are available on Amazon Kindle – you can download the Kindle reading app here for use with Android or iPhones, or read on your computer. Most of these books are also available as audiobooks on Audible, and you can have two free audiobooks by clicking here.
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Building Open Relationships: Your hands-on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!
By Dr. Liz Powell
Building Open Relationships is an excellent resource that is built around actively choosing how you will structure your relationships, including activities and exercises that will help you understand what relationship structure is healthiest for you.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (3rd Edition
By Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
The Ethical Slut was originally published in 1997, with an updated third edition published in 2017, and continues to be popular among polyamorous and sex-positive people. The third edition expanded to include more practical information on practicing polyamory, as well as adding more inclusive language.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities
By Kevin Patterson
Polyamorous communities, by and large, are overwhelmingly white. This is not because more white people are polyamorous, but because white people tend to edge out people of color, sometimes without realizing it. Kevin Patterson goes in-depth on many of the issues surrounding race in polyamorous communities and how white people interact with polyamorous people of color. This work is excellent for anyone to understand how to make such communities inclusive, and for white people to become aware of the racism around them, including how they perpetuate it, consciously or not.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
By Tristan Taormino
Opening Up is a book I recommend with caution – there are some ideas suggested in this book that can be harmful in many situations, such as the veto. That said, it does offer some helpful exercises specifically geared towards people in existing relationships that are looking to open their relationship up to other people.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships
By Patricia Johnson and Mark A. Michaels
Designer Relationships is a recently published book on different relationship models and arrangements, tailored for the beginner. While it doesn’t focus exclusively on polyamory, it is a great resource for those starting to look into the idea of open relationships, and can be used to help you figure out what direction you want to go in. This book will be mostly old news for experienced poly people.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
Sex From Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules
By Sarah Mirk
Sex From Scratch has a similar premise to Designer Relationships, but with slightly more focus on the sexual side of relationships and sex-positivity. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in breaking out of the monogamy and relationship escalator mold.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships
By Kathy Labriola
The Jealousy Workbook is a hands-on way to learn what jealousy triggers you have and how to confront them. It is an extremely helpful tool for anyone just starting polyamory, and even those who have been polyamorous for a long time will find some helpful tools.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners
By Deborah Anapol
This book is more about explaining polyamory than how to do it. It is geared towards people that want to understand the concept without necessarily wanting to practice it. It may be helpful for family members of polyamorous people to read in order to help them understand.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
The Smart Girl’s Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love
By Dedecker Winston
While the title of this book indicates this is for women, it can be a great resource for people of any gender. It includes exercises and a lot of basic information, especially about the intersection between polyamory and feminism.
This is also available as a Kindle Ebook.
Why didn’t I recommend More Than Two?
More Than Two used to be the most commonly recommended book on polyamory. However, in the past couple years, many ex-partners of one of the co-authors, Franklin Veaux, have come forward with stories of his abuse and how he used his perspectives and opinions to victim blame and gaslight, among other things. Many of those perspectives made their way into More Than Two, and have been absorbed into the “common sense” knowledge of most polyamorous people and communities. One of these victims that has come forward is the other co-author, Eve Rickert. Because of this, I am extremely hesitant to say that More Than Two would be a valuable resource, especially for anyone new to polyamory. The advice that is positive and helpful in that book is easily found in other resources on this page.
Websites
Kimchi Cuddles – You may not consider it a “resource”, but the webcomic Kimchi Cuddles is all about polyamorous relationships, and some comic strips may help you see your problems (and happiness!) from a different perspective, and can help you to know you’re not alone.
Polyamory In The Media – This site keeps up-to-date with most, if not all, mentions of polyamory in news and other media.
Meetup.com – This link points towards a search for “Polyamory” within 25 miles of wherever you currently are. There are often meetups for polyamorous people in or near large cities, and you may be able to find a group local to you.